Steel Knife in My Wind Pipe…

Goodbye is the hardest word to say…especially when you are saying it to someone who means the world to you..whom you love with all your heart and who loves you back even more.

I still can’t come to terms with the fact that I don’t know when I will see you next…but definitely not in at least a year!!A year….without you it will seem like a decade.I will miss you every time I eat a chocolate…I don’t even know if I will feel like eating it without you…oh,i will just miss you so much.I will miss our random but crucially timed meetings…i miss you so much already!

I tried to be strong all these days…trying to convince that things won’t change…but I know you will be gone way too far…and yesterday i just broke down.I can’t eat and can’t even breathe since then…I just don’t know how I will survive without my powerhouse!

With you gone,it will be just me..my cup of coffee,and our memories.I hope nothing changes..and i know it won’t,but it won’t be the same…I know you will always be eager to hear whats happening in my life…but i won’t be able to hold our hand while doing that..and your hugs…i will miss them more than anything else.Because with us,the hugs always did the speaking…i will be all alone now.

I don’t know how things will work out between us,how we manage to keep in touch…but I hope that you get the things you have been craving for.I know you worry for me…but here I am,I can’t stop praying and hoping for things to work out for you.Nothing matters to me more than you fulfilling your dreams.

I will keep my promise of being safe while you are gone..to meet you back in one piece…body and heart,and you promise me to be happy…just plain right happy!!!!

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The recall…let me walk!

A few years ago I, like thousands of Indian women, had faced eve teasing.It was almost 8 years ago.I was walking down a neighborhood to get to my math tutions in the afternoon.It was just one and a half kilometer walk…I used to ride my bicycle everyday…but that day I had a flat tyre.So I was walking around 2 o clock in the afternoon and a drunken man in his 40s started following me.I noticed him getting closer and closer and blabbering something.I was very naive,I did not know what to do,I kept walking…and before I knew he was closer to me than healthy distance between two pedestrians.I speed up…but he was too close.He started saying things I don’t even remember,but I was shit scared.I was searching the street but I couldn’t see anyone I could call out for help.There were 2-3 more men with him behind us.I walked faster but so did he.I went in opposite direction,but he followed.I crossed the street,he still followed.I again changed my direction,he just kept following.He again managed to get really close.He tried to touch me…by coming closer and brushing himself against me…he got hold of my hand and I, don’t know how, but I managed to push him with a jerk..and probably because he was drunk he lost his balance a bit.I ran in opposite direction and went into my school premises.I told the security person on the gate about my situation…He went outside and tried for the man…but they didn’t find him. I saw my sports teacher and immediately told him of the incidence…i was in tears.He took me to the school’s vice principal…she knew me very well having taught me in school..She comforted me and the peon dropped me home.I remember losing my sleep for the next few days…I had never until then lost my sleep over anything,but it lasted for days.I used to wake up scared in the middle of the night,and stay awake in bed for hours…After that i never walked alone on that street.It was on my everyday route to anywhere…but I never walked alone.It wasn’t that I was assaulted severely and i swore never to walk alone again or something..but it just never happened…until today.I did not have my bike.. I was walking the same road again…afternoon time,alone…and the memory of this incidence just came back to me.Today obviously I am well prepared to handle such situations…but the memory still bought a lot of bitterness.It is very sad that even today females in a developing country like India have to face this everyday.And millions of women over the world…

The incidence unknowingly has scarred the image of middle-aged men in my mind for ever.I always find all the uncle type  men who look at me on the street to be perverts.May be not all of them stare at women,but I always give them the evil eye…I will always find them to be perverts.

Every female who has faced eve teasing in her life must have gone through some such change in her psychology…which is such a shame! People show such amazing apathy to these socially relevant matter..it truly embarrassing!But what is more saddening is that these things,despite of all the education and the culture,still keep happening in my own country!!!I am a patriot…I love my country…and i hope against hope,that someday the streets will be safe for women at every hour of the day!