Black hole…

I don’t know why He chose me to be who I am,

I don’t know why He sent me where I am…

And I really don’t know why He is making me go through all the things that I am going through…

I am tired of being the strong one,the one who listens to everyone, the one who does all the work, the mute one. I think of being a rebel…what am I if I don’t do anything to change things that are not right.But then I end up thinking about the one who might get hurt in the process. Why do I have to be the one to think of everyone’s actions and behavioral consequences..? I don’t see a person behaving his age around…they tell me that you are the only sensible amongst the four of us,and yet when I open my mouth to say anything,I stand corrected…they don’t give a damn what I am saying,they don’t even make an effort to listen to what I have to say…leave alone trying to understand.

I try so hard to escape this when I can’t change it…I think of extreme getaways like shifting to a new city or marrying away quickly…but who am I kidding.I don’t have the guts to do anything such drastic.Even if I had I couldn’t go away from someone I love,and care about so much..sometimes it makes me sick… literally!!!

Sometimes I question my faith…what is He doing sitting up there idle…can’t he sense the despair?  I really doubt his existence sometimes,but then find myself praying hard…

When everything leaves me,I’m only left with hope…It’s just a little black hole,that I’m trying to get out of.

I just hope everyone survives till the end…!

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Missed out friends…

Yes,it is the F-day today…celebration of the most purest form of love,friendship. I have been blessed in this form of relationship.I have been blessed with the most amazing friends…in school,college and elsewhere.But there’s always someone in your life you would had hoped to befriend…and which did not happen. Today I’m going to tell you about one such person.When I was in first year,I remember the first senior who talked to me..and yes,such a cliché…the senior was a guy! I was sitting in the lobby with one of my friend,and he came down the stairs…looking at us,and squeaked,not in the annoying manner,but with bewilderment…twins!!!Are you twins?? We weren’t,but everyone from fourth year called us twins since then.Yes,he was in his fourth year.And we used to bump in to each other all the time.Our college was a small place…I mean literally,just two floors in a building. But it was not until the fresher’s party that I got really fascinated by him…he played the guitar!!!!For me,that is just something completely admirable.And he knew his stuff…you could see the joy on his face when he ruffled his six string….and I adored him that instant!!

Now,back then,I was this extremely socially awkward person…very shy,and he was extremely flamboyant.So when he started hitting on me,I didn’t know how to react…I didn’t wanted to be romantically(or whatever) involved with him,but have long length conversations with,learn about his interests,and his ideologies,about design,music and life! Now this ‘twin’ friend of mine had a huge crush on him.But whenever he used to come and talk to our group,he used to flirt with me…and this friend used to growl at me.So what I did was,I started avoiding him,dropping him hints that I’m totally oblivious to him…which of course I wasn’t and I know that was a totally stupid thing to do..but my friends always come before anything else.They both became great friends,and even went out for some time,i think!

Anyhow…the point is,i missed out on what could have been a great friendship.He was(is) this totally cool,charming, severely talented musical guy.He could have added depth to my thoughts and my understanding of music,and life…but I guess i missed out on that.

I’m sure everyone must feel the same way about some person they crossed paths with.Does this post remind you of someone?