She looked at herself in the mirror…she tried to see what was left of her.
After days of not feeling anything,of starving beyond consciousness,of abusive outbursts and carelessness,she realized something was wrong.I was never like this.Now she looked at her reflection.She had lost all of the little weight she had managed to put on in the last year.The only little fat remaining was on her stomach,and it still bothered her.He waist had become waif thin and her wrists were negligible.Her black vest lay loosely on her drooping shoulders and her frayed grey shorts were slipping down her diminishing waistline.She moved closer to the mirror to see her side profile.She moved even closer and saw droopy eyes drowning in a pool of dark circles staring back at her. Suddenly she realized she was a mess.But the next moment she thought that she knew that already,didn’t I?
She played with her hair that fell lightly on her forehead.She crudely twisted them around her finger,like the thoughts that were twitching in her mind.She did not realize she spent 43 minutes doing that until she saw the wall clock in the mirror and turned around to check if the mirror wasn’t lying.As she was turning around to check the time,she heard a soft knock on the door.Her left eyebrow raised in irritation almost as a reflex.He knocks now.He is afraid of me.Her mind was beaming at the thought, but it did not cross the thick layers of skin.And indeed the person on the other side of the door was afraid of the effect his concern might have on her.She cautiously moved across her room and took her copy of her favourite Milan Kundera’s novel and opened it to page 42,exactly the page that she was reading 3 weeks ago.
Her dad walked in to the room after waiting for another 30 seconds.Her dad was her only family left and probably the only person in the whole wide world that loved her.She looked up only for their eyes to meet for a second and then went back to pretending to read.She was afraid even a second more of eye contact would start a conversation.Even she had not heard her voice in three weeks and wanted the mute phase to continue.She was afraid to hear how it may sound after all these days of hauntingly soulful silence.He walked up to her,kissed her just above the forehead and left wordlessly,leaving the door ajar on purpose.She immediately got up and closed the door and returned in front of the mirror.In an instant all the anger and frustration in her melted in to tears and started flowing down like a constant stream.This was the first sign of her normality in a long time.But she did not want to be normal.She buried herself into her bed and fought back her tears.She did not intend to lose all the anger in her.She did not intend to relieve herself with the tears and go back to being herself.No,that couldn’t be it.She knew she couldn’t bear another hurt and she did not want to make herself vulnerable to it,again.She needed strength…to hold back all the emotions and feel nothing.The mirror made her vulnerable.That day,she decided to engage into an eternal war with her reflection…her conscience.That day,she became a rebel.
Yesterday morning I went to do some house hunting for a friend and came back after 5 o’ clock. I was terribly tired, and also for some reason was nursing a bad mood…All i wanted to do was lie down peacefully and read a book,that I had been wanting to read since morning. But peace is something you hardly get at my house.My mom and my sister are legendary when it comes to arguments.They could beat Tom and Jerry in this fighting thing. Sometimes I really can’t take it…and anger shoots up my in head…but I knew nothing I do or say is going to stop this argument.
So I simply picked up my book,changed in to my comfy everyday denim,took a sachet, filled it with the book,my doodle pad and my Lamy and left…and went to the nearest descent cafe(which is anything but near,my area has no nice place), ordered my regular, a mocha, and took out my book…The place was filled with the smell of freshly brewed coffee…and it was oddly comforting….as if nothing in the world can ever go wrong. I was at ease, free from everything in my mind and within a few seconds was deeply engrossed in the book.After a few minutes,I felt this vibe…negative vibe from somewhere…I could feel eyes on me….I tried to ignore it, thought I must be imagining things.But when my coffee was served,I looked up just for a moment…and there he was,some random guy…with his girl and yet with his frog life bulging eyes, staring at me…!I looked at him with narrowing eyes and he tilted his face in such a way that the girl(oh poor girl) that he was with thought he was listening to her and yet from the corner of his eye he could see me…And all my concentration went down the drain. I did not know why he was looking at me.Was it odd for him that I was alone and reading a book?Or was it simply because I was this young(I’m sure he misjudged my age) girl all alone.Oh I don’t know why…but why the hell!!! It was just highly frustrating! I tried going back to the book,but his annoying head jerks and snorty laughter keep diverting my attention. I really hate that girls still have to endure this…he was getting on my nerves.I put down my book and took a long sip of my coffee while fixing my eyes on him.He became uncomfortable,and his bulging eyeballs rolled swiftly to other direction.Hah,I thought…the ball was in my court now.I kept my cup down,my gaze fixed on him.He shifted awkwardly in his chair.Lets give him a taste of what lies at the receiving end I thought! I took out my doodle pad and my pen.And smirked like pure evil.I looked at him and started scribbling in the pad…and kept looking at him from time to time with unnecessary exaggerated head jerks.He probably thought i was making a caricature of him(nah,i wasn’t.I don’t have enough talent to do that)I felt like a sadist…but who cares what they will call me…I was really getting this immense satisfaction! He was way too uncomfortable,and was eating rapidly.I think he wanted to get out of my glaring stare.I kept at it.I think it was only a couple of minutes,but he hadn’t dared to look at me even to check if i was staring at him.I let a loud giggle slip out of my mouth and his girl noticed that something that was causing unrest to the guy was me…! I felt horrible,because i think she thought i was hitting on him or something.Ya,right!But,within two more minutes, they paid the check and went off…!A real smile broke on my lips,i quickly ordered another coffee and went back to my book…peace at last!!!