Whatever works

She realised nothing in her life was going according to the plan,her plan.She closed her eyes in an attempt to stop tears from rolling down.She could feel her ears heat up.She felt an uncontrollable anger towards everyone in her life.She hated the fact that when she needed someone to just be with her,no one was around. She did not need advice,or sympathy…not even apathy.She just needed someone who would hold her hand and give her a warm hug, keep her thoughtless for sometime at least.But there she was,sitting in a crowded cafe,music blasting in her ears,somewhere she was only because she had nowhere else to go. No one to go to.People around her had driven her to a situation where this odd place made her calm and at the same time she feared someone might recognise her here and start a conversation…She longed for a heart to heart conversation with a friend,but did not know who to turn to.So the idea of conversing scared her.It was all confusing for her.She wanted and feared the same things.
She had started detesting people she once loved dearly.Staying with them seemed futile.A waste of energy,time and patience.She sometimes smiled in her head when she tried to listen to what was being bombarded on her all the time.She wasn’t mocking them or laughing on them,not even in her head.It just amused her how insignificant the banter was to her and how ignorant everyone was about it,about her..her feelings,her opinion…her existence!
But it wasn’t a total waste,the bombarding.It did affect her.All the constant pressure and negative thoughts that everyone immersed her in,they did manage to depress her,every single time.And yet she cared about them at the end of the day.She did not want to hurt them by her unworldly ways and that’s why she stayed,stayed but stayed away.On a minimal interaction basis.But they did not even understand that.There was no way she behaved that would prove to be non-offensive to them. So once in a while she laughed and cracked jokes and gossiped with them,to make them feel better.And they did,but that was all that they cared about.She was never their priority,never was anyone’s.But they needed her,to keep them entertained,to do their little charades,to keep them sane.And so she did.Because when you love someone,there is no other option but to do whatever works,whatever works for them.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s